Twilight Parody... Advice? Tips? Comments?

For english, I have to write a brief, short story. It has to be from the animal's point of view, and the main purpose is to describe. While each person reads thier story, the class is supposed to draw a picture of the character. So tell me... is this okay?





11-21-08 3:12pm


‘Sup people. To catch you up, the name’s Muffintins Whiskers. I’m your average guy chipmunk, and I love glamour, fashion, models, and magazines. I have sandy brown hair, and deep eyes that get me all the girls. I live in a hole in Aurora, Ohio. I’m on break right now, so no homework or anything whatsoever. I’m a sophomore in High School- and I have a job at Dunkin Donuts (small vermin/animal version of course) Holy guacamole, I have to go. Gonna watch some chick flick called “Twilight” with my amazingly amazing girlfriend Stephanie.





11-21-08 8:36pm


I bought my tickets and walked into the theatre with the gang. But then, the second I saw Bella Swan (in the movie) I had a spaz attack. Her gorgeous hair and perfect features- it was obvious we were meant to be. Even though I’m a chipmunk, who care’s? I have feelings and a brain too. And (cough cough) deep brown eyes that (cough cough) get me all the ladies. So I turned to Stephanie and (word for word) said, “Stephanie. This isn’t working. We should break up.” Then she looked at me with her “look” and said, “Muffin, did you take your pills this morning?”


“Yes I did and you’re not my mom! You’re a fat lard that I’m breaking up with because Bella Swan beats you in every department imaginable! And I’m obviously destined to be with her!”


“Ummm. Okay. I like Australians any ways. I mean, when I met you I was drunk. And you were cute when I was drunk… but I was drunk. Uhhh. Yeah. Bye.”


It was kinda awkward sitting next to each other during the rest of the movie. I mean, she wasn’t even crying or anything! That kinda got me mad… But my mind was focused on something else anyways. EDWARD CULLEN. That fat liar was a threat to me and Bella’s destiny.





“My smell is irresistible”, says Edward. Haha he uses axe. I bet my waste smell better than that telepathic mechanical chicken without the ability to go up stairs.


“The lion fell in love with the lamb”, said the dumb Edward. Why are you describing yourself as a lamb and a lion at the same time? What a cocky ‘lil biodegradable radioactive target. (This is what I was thinking- I don’t talk out loud to myself very often). Why does Edward keep staring at MY Bella? She obviously doesn’t like him…


So obviously, you can tell that I don’t like Edward very much. And that’s putting it nicely. Well anyways, the whole story line of the movie: Bella moves from Arizona to Washington. She meets the Cullens who are weird people. Edward and Bella fall in love (Bella was only acting, trust me). Edward runs around. Edward and the Cullens are vampires. Bella finds out. They kill a guy. The end. Well g’bye-I have to go and eat my nuts.





11-21-08 11:21pm


So I was thinking… what if I developed a plan? Things are going out of control. Before long, my sweet Bella will fall for Edward out of sheer boredom.








MASTER PLAN


1. Quit job.


2. Get tickets to Forks, Washington (Where Bella lives)


3. Follow Bella and discover what she likes.


4. Follow Edward and dissect everything he does.


5. Kill Edward.


6. Become Edward.


7. Live with Bella forever.





Is that a fabulous plan or what?! I’m getting the plane ticket right now. I can do one tomorrow… then I think I can be with Bella by next week. This is absolutely ah-mazingly fantabulous. Good night and sweet dreams. Be sure nobody steals your nuts!








11-22-08 9:46am


I walked into work today, and Fuzzynuts (my work buddy- fellow chipmunk as well) was bawling.


“Dude, what’s wrong. Why are you crying?”


“Oh… I’m not crying. It was raining on my face while I was cutting onions for my lasagna. Or maybe I passed gas, and the smell made my eyes water. There’s some dust in my eyes. I mean- there’s an inflammation in my tear gland and my eye’s are just sweating toda-” and he started bawling again.


“Promise not to tell?”


“Of course homie doggie.” I said


“Well… for two hours some guy was following me around with a pooper scooper. And I found out my cousin went metro sexual. Then my surgeon general offered me a cigarette. Then, while I was walking to work, a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it. And here I am… You know, I feel a lot better after I said it out loud. Thanks, man.”


“Yeah… umm… I’m going to go now?” And I RAN out of that room. I had to find my boss.


I walked into my office, and got all my… pictures… from my desk. I left my “quitting letter” on my desk.





11-22-08 4:23pm


I’m on the plane right now! It’s almost flamboyant! I’m wedged between a really fat human and his yippy dog. What a stupid anorexic dog. All it does is go “YIP YIP YIP!” There was another chipmunk on the plane. She started talking to me, then all of a sudden she goes, “ I think I’m going to faint from your gorgeousnesTwilight Parody... Advice? Tips? Comments?
if you want a funny twilight parody, read this :http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-…